Friday, June 19, 2009

What The Shift® means to me

What The Shift® means to me.....

Both of my parents passed as a result of cancer. Mom first, then Dad nine years later. When Mom was ill, Dad and I shared the home care of her, before it was accepted under most insurances, and consciously opted by my dad. During that year and a half (Mom was a fighter and outlasted all prognoses by more than a year), Mom and I developed a relationship we never could have had she died suddenly or not been ill. Did I want her to suffer? NO WAY! But her choice was to Live, and I respected that and took the opportunity to relate to her.

Then Dad was diagnosed, with "a little cancer". It turned out to be a huge tumor, the full length of his esophagus and was cutting off his esophagus so that he could not eat solid foods comfortably any more. He opted for surgery, survived the surgery and died of complications from post surgery. Six months. Quick. His Choice.

What's the point? I was blessed to have many, many valuable years with my parents. I was also single, and had only one long term relationship while my folks were alive. Long story of old ingrained habits.

Dad was tired of the game, I think, but he was worried about me. He wanted to make sure I was taken care of and happy. At the same time, he wanted me to take care of the rest of the family (all OLDER than me, not younger). I met Scott in the spring of 96. We slowly got acquainted, as he had some issues, and I had a father with cancer. We had our first date on October 13, 1996. My dad was operated on in that week. When he was in ICU, I went up to visit him (Boston, a two hour drive if no traffic, 3 times a week), and he was really good then. He said to me, "What's different about you?" I said, "I met someone." His whole face changed. He looked happy and comfortable for the first time in months. I would almost say he looked relieved. And two weeks to the day after Scott's and my first date, he died. He knew, before I did, that I had finally "met my match."

I think THAT's the meaning of, when you are seeing something, you are either seeing the quality (good), or the inverse of the quality (what appears to be bad, but if you invert that, you can always see to the good). You don't know why you are seeing something in a particular way sometimes, but you can always look through the world view of suffering and pain and Consciously Choose to see the Love, loving Itself.

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